Google thinks I am rich.
Watching this year’s Android Show gave me that distinct, hollow feeling of being marketed to by someone who lives on Mars and believes money grows on servers. They unveiled a raft of new Android 17 features. All of them seem aimed at folks whose salary matches that of their CEO.
It begs the question, really.
What about the rest of us.
The Billionaire’s UI
The Android Show is basically Google’s warm-up act before the main I/O event. Thirty minutes of pre-recorded glory showcasing what’s coming to Android. The highlights? Deeper Gemini AI integration. A revamped Android Auto. A custom widget creator that tracks your upcoming flights.
There is a common thread here.
Money. Lots of it.
The Android Auto demo focused on how well it fits inside a BMW’s massive screens. YouTube playing at 60fps on your car’s dashboard. Then came a tragic cameo by Paris Hilton sitting in her luxury Genesis. She talked about how the car becomes her private movie theater.
I drive a 2007 Тойоbта Auris. It has 110,00 miles on the odometer. The CD player is broken. There are no USB ports. It is covered in so much bird poop that I can’t remember if it was ever beige. My version of “smart” connectivity is clipping an iPhone holder onto the air vents. For audio? I put a Bluetooth speaker on the passenger seat and pretend it is Dolby Atmos.
Later, they showed Gemini explaining if a 65-inch TV fits in a Volvo EX60.
To be fair, I bought a 65-inch TV recently. But I didn’t buy it for a $65,00 Volvo. I called a friend who owns a van. We hauled it myself. No AI required.
Then there was the bit about Gemini booking “floor seats” for concerts. We are talking hundreds of dollars. Thousands, if you were foolish enough to see Taylor Swift.
Not into concerts? How about a chocolate and coffee tour in Costa Rica for a group of six? Sure, invite your five wealthiest friends. Or perhaps a vintage shopping spree in Tokyo?
Every single example involved spending money. Booking restaurants. Buying clothes. Flying planes. Google is a search engine designed to point you at things to buy. That has not changed. Circle to Search just makes it prettier.
But today’s show felt different.
It felt like a salute to capitalism without the irony. Purse strings are tight worldwide. People are struggling to afford eggs. They are not planning weekend getaways to Costa Rica. We do not drive luxury cars gifted to us by Hilton. We certainly do not have six-figure Bitcoin portfolios like the Google engineer demoing a crypto feature did. Good for him though.
Who Are They Joking?
The money stuff is irritating enough. The lifestyle assumptions are worse.
One demo had Gemini book “front row” seats for a spin class.
Front row.
Really.
What about “find me a seat in the back corner where it is dark”? Where no one can see my sweating, purple face as I pathetically pedal to avoid an early grave?
Google assumes I am fit. It assumes I am attractive. Or at least fit and attractive enough to want my Lycra-clad glutes displayed for public inspiration.
It is the kind of fitness that requires hours of free time. Something the average worker doesn’t have.
The 1% Feature Set
This is the Google ideal. You meet friends for fancy brunch. On the way to a fancy dinner, you plan logistics using Android Auto in a fancy car. It never occurs to them that you might have to work. Or pick up kids from school.
They assume wealth.
I get it. They are trying to be aspirational. But it backfires. They aren’t saying, “If you use Android, you could try living like this.”
They are saying, “You already do all this, we just made it faster.”
That is a dangerous assumption. It risks alienating 99 percent of people.
These new features speak directly to the one percent who find Paris Hilton’s sparkly car requests relatable.
For everyone else.
It’s just another reminder that the machine doesn’t see us. 📱🚗
